I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
