I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
