Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He did a backflip because drugs
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
