hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize