im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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