yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize