In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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