Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I had to cum in my sink.
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