Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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