Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
