If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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