The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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