So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
