How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
