i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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