She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How naked do you want me to be?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
