If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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