worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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