Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
