She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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