the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
