remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
