I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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