Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize