would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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