Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
