i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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