nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize