So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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