she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
