i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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