There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She announced her abortion via fbk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
