i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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