apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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