remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I need water and some morals
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
