i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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