Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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