tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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