you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
