tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
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i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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