Kareoke will never be a sober sport
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
