Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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