Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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