i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
