I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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