some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
