i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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