New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
