Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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