Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize