How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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