I skipped work to stalk him.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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