At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
