She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
