so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
