why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's the barista slut.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
