So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
pray to the hookup gods
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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