'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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