There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
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The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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