People with herpes should wear stickers.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
