I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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